stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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