I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
