HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
then he tried to convert me to islam
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
