I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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