Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
