i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
