You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
