He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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