So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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