He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
