I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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