His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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