I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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