textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
