Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
