Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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