Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
