bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I CAN MOONWALK!
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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