Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
