Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
