It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
