So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
The ass gains better be worth it
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