I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
