1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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