Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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