Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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