Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
