Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
