3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
