i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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