i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Randomize
