Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
