Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
