I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
