Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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