you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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