I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
