you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
