some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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