thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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