I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Send help, water and tortillas.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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