Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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