who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
