I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
We are all done wearing pants today
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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