Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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