the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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