My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize