Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize