weddingsv make me drug and hornr
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
