I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
