Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
