just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
