Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
