how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
