The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
