wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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