Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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