I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
