When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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