i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
