I want to have your abortion
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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