listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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