The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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