2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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