brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize