Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
4 words: hood of his car
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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