listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I think my fart just growled at me.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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