i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
