im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
