I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
