You just made me feel so damn special
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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